Never ignore RED FLAGS in relationship

I have learnt this very hard way that we should never ever ignore red flags in a relationship. I learnt this from my own life experience. It’s been six months since my breakup. In past these 6 months I only thought about all the red flags that were right in front of me and still I ignored them.

I was so head over heels in love with this person that I stopped using my brain. I was just listening to my heart. My brain was shouting “he is not the one” but heart kept telling me something else. In this constant battle of brain and heart, I had given priority to heart. I was giving my full energy to someone who might have been considering me an option whole time.

I have learnt this by now that when you are in a right relationship then the scope of mistrust, insecurity, anxiety is zero. It is something very natural and very beautiful. In the right kind of relationship both people are each other’s priority. There is no communication gap. There is nothing negative in the mind about the relationship. In right kind of relationship, the heart and mind both are at peace.

I have realised a lot of things after my breakup. There are many pointers that I think are very important and should be taken into consideration. I am writing some of my learnings as below:

1. If you have to take advice from your friends about your partner like if he is right or not for you then there is high chance that he is not right. With the right person you never have to discuss with people outside of the relationship about the right and wrong of your partner.
2. As a person I am someone who tries to listen and understand the other person. I can not be with someone who always want to put logic in almost everything. Because for me I think we are living in a world where something that is wrong from my point of view can be right from other person point of view. I have met few people in life who show “know it all” attitude. They just want to oppose the other person and turn all conversations into a debate. Now I keep in mind that I can not have any kind of relationship with such people.
3. For me things are not completely black and white. So now I try to find people who think like me, Who want to live life in the grey area.
4. Calling or texting is a free feature in today’s world. This is basic requirement for me. I like to talk to my partner through any medium if meeting is not possible due to any circumstances. If the other person is so busy that they don’t have 30 seconds for me then that person is not for me. Because I am clear about this need of communication. I am a person who wants to have conversations atleast once in a day.
5. I am a person who thinks first before saying anything to any other person. I run my words in my mind first and thinks from the other person perspective whether my words or actions can hurt the other person or not. So if someone is too blunt that person is also not for me.
6. The most important red flag for me is when my feelings are being questioned. If I am feeling hurt because of someone’s action then if I tell them that their actions or words had hurt me, during that time I expect the other person to understand me, not question me. I am a person who instantly feel sorry if the other person get hurt because of me. I don’t even think about me being right or wrong. I just can’t see anyone hurt because of me. So if I tell my partner that I am feeling hurt because of a particular action then at that point I want to be understood not questioned.
7. The last and most important thing for me in a relationship is respect. The moment when I starts to feel that the other person is disrespecting me then that’s the final nail in the coffin. I believe in a relationship of respect. The moment when I feel that the respect is gone from my mind for my partner or my partner is disrespecting me then there is no point to continue such relationship. I want to respect and get respect. Respect is the core of any relationship.

I have realised few very important red flags that should never ever be ignored. Hopefully from now onwards I will take a right decision in life.